“My own interrogation: I am a solo quarantiner, in limbo in my homeland. I lived in NYC for thirteen years, with a foot out the door for the last couple, and rode the Corona wave out. I had no idea I’d be here this long, and though I plan on moving to LA (typical, I know), it is tricky to set a date given our current global and national situation. I am fortunate in that I have a place to stay (currently leaving an incredible house-sitting situation to be in a studio apt below my parents, a generous, yet complex hot-bed I don’t want to lay in for too long). I’ve had trouble figuring out how to operate here moving forward, given the fact that I do truly want to leave, and don’t want to get so rooted that it’s harder to eventually pack up and shift gears.
Since I’ve been here, I’ve worked with a local queer activist org, rekindled old friendships, started a new one, lived mainly without touch (INSANE!!!), given several zoom performances, and done my best to stay sane, grateful, and alive. I’ve been thinking a lot about the alternative title to “Dr. Strangelove,” “...or How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb,” only have been replacing the last phrase with, “ and Love Limbo.” How to root in the liminal? How to honor the gifts and stay present, participatory in life and relationships, when leaving is looming? How to decide when to leave during such a charged and unruly moment”
“I think I’ve been asking, how do I keep routines that center me? So like my morning pages, calling friends, doing online exercise videos, staying in touch with my recovery zoom meetings, really making sure that to the best of my ability I’m still doing all the things that keep me in my center. I almost said, bring me joy, but I don’t know if those things bring me joy as much as keep me on the beam. When we’re in the liminal space it’s ok to not be able to fully access joy and pleasure and abundance as much as, it’s ok to be like, ok, I’m in the right now. The right now is uncomfortable and that’s ok. ”
“I am a new small business owner, solely marketing through Instagram. Inspired by your social media hiatus and in light of more noticing in recent weeks, I would like to rely less on the app and begin writing a blog / newsletter type of thing. I want my online presence off of instagram to be an accurate representation of my work. I am a cook who focuses on using only seasonal / local ingredients, investing in community and collaboration. I want to pass on announcements about my business but also recipes, seasonal insights, ideas and inspiration.
My questions are — how do you find a sustainable voice (one that you won’t hate in a year)? Is authenticity the key to building strong readership? How do you combine a range of topics in one newsletter while keeping things cohesive? ”
“You have to trust that there are these time capsules. Any perfectionism that comes up around, “I hope this is still the same in this other time” - it just won’t be. And that’s ok. Speaking from a place of humility and generosity and asking spirit to make you of service is what’s going to make you of maximum benefit and service to others. It’s ok if you don’t like what you say in a year. In terms of combining a range of topics in a newsletter, I’m a chaotic person, I’m a Gemini. I’m a little bit of a tornado person, a minimalist structure that is consistent to put all the chaos in is something that’s helped me. Send a nice picture and link things, have your buttons be the same color. Some consistency. Make segments to the newsletter iek you might hear on a podcast.”
“I’ve got a question for you. I left a job a few years ago (that I dedicated almost a decade of my life to and it was a job for a nonprofit that I helped build from the ground up). I left to pursue another interest of mine (started my own business), but that quickly fell apart. The last couple years I’ve felt lost as to what I should do professionally or really just what I am meant to do with my life. I still struggle from time-to-time with embarrassment and shame around my business not working out. It’s been almost 3 years...As someone who has started and stopped projects, how do you move forward and not let past failures (not implying that you view them as failures) get you down or stuck in a rut? How do you discover what you’re meant to do with your life? How do you get motivated to try again?”
“I just started (big breath) my own patreon page aaaaand am currently taking a break from social media! I’m scared! My patreon is an inclusive and nurturing space for folks (especially queer folks) to learn about menstrual cycles and all the wild things hormones get up to. However, I’m scared about next steps and finding an audience, especially without Instagram. It’s been really bringing me down and has me question my ability to be successful on my own without wage-labor/working for others.
So I’m curious about your wisdom with “selling yourself”, finding ways to promote, get paid for the work even in the isolation of pandemic times??? Aaand how you have worked through times (if any) where you felt like your support crew (friends, loved ones, acquaintances) couldn’t, or wouldn’t show up for you in business adventures, due to pandemic or just not understanding the importance of the material?? I’m experiencing a lot of tough feelings because I had so many folks in the past receiving a lot of free emotional labor around their periods from me (I do love talking about cycles)...but now I feel like those folks aren’t showing up for me now that I’ve created a business adventure around this subject. It bums me out, Marlee!”
“When I put out my most recent book, there were people who said, I’m here for you, I will share this thing with my people. And not only did they not, they couldn’t say, “I can’t”. The old me would have been really mad, really resentful. Today, I’m like, maybe they didn’t like the book. That’s fine too. There’s so many different realities that could be happening on their end that I didn’t know about. Both colleagues and peers. I think I had - and there’s grief. I get to do both and. It stung a little to have certain people either say they were going to do something, or I had my own expectations. Expectations are invitations for resentment. And I do expect something of people who say they’re going to do something. All that to say, it’s also information about where to close the circle. I used to think I could only do that if I was a mean b-word. F-u, I hate you, you’re done, you’re’ dead to me, bye, never talking to you again, and that’s how I closed in the friendship circle. But now I can say, in my heart, many blessings to everyone who couldn’t show up because how could they? And then notice who did. And be like, cool. Now I have a little more information.”
“What did you learn from doing Friendship Village for 8 months? Did you have a favorite question?”
“I think I learned that there’s so many through lines with all the questions - they’re all specific, but we all just want to be loved. We all really want to be witnessed, and we all really want to like ourselves, and it’s really hard. It’s hard to be in a human body with a human heart and have it all link up in a way that we can be nice to ourselves. I think that’s such a common thread in all of the questions, is am I doing this right? Am I on time? Is this the right thing? It’s lighter than you think, is a common thought that I have. We’re taking everything so seriously. I think that’s good, we care, and I want a lot more humor and lightness in my days, so I hope I’ve been able to provide a little bit of that for all of you.”
