Minute 4:30
“I really want to feel more comfortable and confident and connected residing in my body, so I’ve decided I want to learn to dance. Any tips on where to start? I feel like it should be just as simple as moving my body in ways that feel good but I just don’t feel like I’m at that point, like I need some encouragement and a bit of starting point if that makes sense? Maybe an online class/course, a book, anything really! I like moving my body in other more structured ways (yoga/running/walking/swimming) but sometimes I don’t have the energy and because I have a complicated relationship with body image and weight loss these activities don’t always feel nurturing.”
“Do a scan, close your eyes, greet your body. If you’re feeling something related to not loving your body or a little bit of discomfort or pain, just greet it! Be like, hello body, I’m seeing you. We don’t have to get rid of those thoughts before we dance, we can bring them into dancing. Dancing moves them through the system, both physically, spiritually, emotionally. Put your favorite song on, do a body scan, check in with where you’re at. ”
Minute 19
“How in the hell (heck for radio? lol) am I going to meet my neighbours, and find my queer quirky art loving social justice active community in a snow covered freezing town in Canada. There is no outdoor places to even really spend time getting to know anyone, except for the quick hello and cheerful smile (despite feeling quite alone). Any suggestions for a major move, new place, and feeling connected. I do also plan to use this time to delve deep inward, it offers a pause to do so, but I know human connection is important to me and will be important through the winter months. I can zoom with friend’s from the big city....but I also want to embrace this new home. Suggestions welcome!”
“Elizabeth Gilbert talked about being lonely and instead of pushing against that, to be like ok, here we are. Here we are in loneliness. What is there inside of me to start to investigate? I think that has helped me during this time. It is naturally lonely to live in a place, even if you’re cultivating new relationships - which I am, and you might be able to do in a different way - it’s still really intense to live through a global pandemic in a place where none of your friends have known you outside of a global pandemic. You don’t have close family, or any friends you’ve known for more than 8 months. That’s uncomfortable, that’s lonely. It doesn’t have to be any different. ”
Minute 41
“My friend of 7 years and I have become increasingly close over the course of the last year and half, and at the beginning of quarantine we started hooking up after many years of tension (as two dykes do...). in many ways it has felt really amazing– they’ve been my light throughout this quarantine and we’ve gotten to know each other in ways that we never would have in the speed of our lives before. we’ve been really open and it’s been exciting to be in something that isn’t defined. but many things are weird about our dynamics shifting during this time– none of our friends witness how we’re interacting now; it’s all super private and escapist at points; and it’s hard as someone prone to codependent behavior to not make my whole life about them when our lives are so small right now. Over the past month or so, our relationship has felt a lot more draining than fun. We both acknowledge that we’ve been holding the weight of 10 months of lockdown and everything that has come with it and it’s A LOT. I appreciate how gracious and kind we’re being in reassessing what we’re doing, but it’s also scary. as someone newer to being really intentional about my connections, it’s hard to know if i’m doing it right. I guess I’m scared to lose them and it all just feels confusing that it took a big shift. Is this something you’ve experienced? what would be your advice as we’re in this limbo?”
“I think just bringing in a little bit of spirit, god, higher power, whatever you’re calling it these days, to let this relationship form, or re-form, or shift however it is supposed to. Let it be what it is supposed to be. The other way to not lose yourself is to have your own stuff, your own recreations and hobbies and separate friends. I really think for all the people in my life who are partnership where they live, with their partner, whether they’ve been together for a little while or a long time, a quarantine, stay at home, global pandemic is putting a really different pressure on togetherness. It’s harder to carve out spaciousness, but I think no matter the outcome of this relationship, take care of your side of the street, focus on the things that make you feel happy in the day. ”
1 hour
“How do you navigate family dynamics in which your former role or others’ story of you doesn’t fit anymore? I grew up being the oldest sib and have long held onto the idea that I must be capable and in control, steady and smart, the helper and advice giver. This has often manifested in being seen as a “bully” who is overly critical or angry (I also have hella Virgo in my chart). I no longer want this and have made a lot of internal progress in unlearning some of those patterns and defenses and approaching people in my life with more acceptance, but I see the ways my mother and siblings experience discomfort when I attempt to flip the script or act in ways more aligned with my truest self. It’s as if the whole universe falls off track when I shift my behaviors within family!”
“I know saying this about your own family is a hot take, but what other people think of you is none of your business. It’s my favorite phrase, I pulled it from a 12-step program. I love to think about it for the internet, for what people think of my radio show, to what people think of how I dress, to whatever I do. What those people think of you is none of your business. You know what is in true alignment, you know, clearly in the beautiful way you articulated your question, you know what is true for you. As you rewrite these narratives about yourself, you just have to believe them and detach from your family’s experience of you rewriting the story. I say it because I’m doing it all the time in my own life, it’s uncomfortable, it’s weird, it’s clunky, just like being a human is.”
1 Hour 6 Minutes
“I’m wondering if you have any advice for a newly sober person (me) getting through the holidays when it’s a very drinky/vicey time. I wondered your insight on that and if you have any tips.”
“One day at a time. I will just not drink for the rest of today, and then hypothetically, godwilling, do that tomorrow, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and then when Friday comes and it’s Christmas and it’s triggering, I will do my very best to not drink that day. I definitely suggest always having sober accountability buddies - and whatever sobriety is to you, if you’re not drinking, if you’re not using other substances, whatever your definition is of your personal sobriety - if it’s not drinking, another friend who’s also not drinking that day, and text them. Check in. I always have my special drinks, my Topo Chicos, my LaCroix, my special chocolates, gum, I like to have my things that I have that make me feel a little safer. A water bottle with regular water. And find sober community if that feels right for you.”
1 Hour 26 Minutes
“I am from a suburb of Chicago originally, but spent a few years living in Oakland/Berkeley before living in my hometown for a year to rest and save up some money before starting graduate school and moving into Chicago proper. I know I made the right choice for me and ultimately do feel much more grounded being back in the Midwest, but I still feel so heartbroken some days about the community I left behind that I loved so much, even though I know it was ultimately not a forever home for me. I end up judging myself for leaving the Bay Area—I often heard “Why would I ever live anywhere else?” from people when I lived there and even though I know there are many reasons to not live there and I am so much happier in Chicago, I keep asking myself why I couldn’t be happier there despite all the work I put into creating a life for myself and when so many other people are so happy there. I also think there is a narrative about moving back to where you’re from and that being because you failed somewhere else, and while I disagree with that and know that is not my experience, I end up doubting and judging myself about it anyway.”
“I was just talking about sobriety and applying one day at a time to that. This is one day at a time material, yeah? The truth is today, there’s a lot of truth that you’ve enacted that is correct for you, it sounds like. And there’s grief - there gets to be both. There’s no question that my life is exactly how it is supposed to be today. And I miss my friends. And I miss the ocean. And I miss my little tiny cabin in a eucalyptus grove. It’s both.”
1 Hour 50 minutes
“This year has been a wave of experiences and emotions, as I think we can all agree too. I have really been exploring the concept of duality. For example, acknowledging how things can be really bad for some and good at times in my own life, and alternatively the other way around as well. The theme goes in so many directions. It can also feel very empowering to acknowledge duality, as it allows for one to accept and confront what we are faced with, but for an empathic person it can be really hard to deal with. How do you approach these emotions?”
“There were times when in my personal life I felt strained and lonely and depressed, but I was still able to access running my business. I was able to be financially generous in a time where I was scraping by with the tools I had. And then other times I don’t actually have a lot of money or time but I have a lot of love to give, or I can pour it into my radio show. Finding the containers that you can pour generosity and service into is the way forward. So that when you’re well or our cup is totally empty, you’ve been filling other people who are now part of your community who can love and lift you up when you ask for help. ”