Resources mentioned
Esther Perel
Animal Crossing
Hilma af Klint
“What advice would you give to someone who is opening up their relationship while living with their partner? Any specific advice for feelings of anxiety and insecurity related to opening the relationship? What are some ways to navigate codependency with a partner during this time?”
“I think it’s ok to tune out, watch some TV, play a video game, do something like that. Part of me is like, draw a bath and meditate, but if your intrusive thoughts are anything like mine around anxious attachment, insecurity, and codependency, sometimes running a bath doesn’t really work for me. There’s also esteemable acts, maybe pick something you know builds your self esteem. For me a lot of insecurity and anxious attachment and how that happens in my partnership is because there’s some little voice in me that’s like, I’m not worthy, I’m not good enough, I’m not XYZ. So if I can connect with esteemable acts - sweeping, cleaning my studio, tasks for me that are hard to get to that I know enhance my quality of life that I avoid, if I can do a couple of those tasks, I start to feel pretty good about myself.”
“I’ve never been in this position before, not grinding away my 8-5, 40+ hours a week, and now that I’m in my mid-thirties I want to create some space to dig into what brings me joy and fulfillment, discover community and connection, and at some point in the not too distant future, make a decision about how to financially support myself. I’d love to hear your thoughts and recommendations on things I can do to help rest and recover from the burnout, to create some structure to my newfound abundance of time without restructuring or being overly ambitious about doing all of the things with my newfound freedom, which I’m acutely aware is a very real possibility/danger for me. And how to figure out what my next things or things are. Most of all I want to be thoughtful and intentional about this part of my life.”
“I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to do it. You really have to listen to yourself. You’re the only one who knows what’s true for you, and the next thing will come. I was talking to a mentor person in my life today and so often when I try to fix things, I start to hold my grip too tight. Don’t try to over-plan right now. One day at a time, hold a loose grip on your life. There’s a 12-step phrase, wear life like a loose garment. I love that one. It’s like, by just paying attention to what your needs are and doing the things that make you feel good and safe spiritually and emotionally, you’ll get to the other answers.”
“What are your thoughts on moving through the world as a witch? And as someone who feels things really deeply and sensationally? What are the practices and those thoughts for moving through the world?”
“My answer today is like, I feel like my spiritual practice ebbs and flows so intensely and lately my form of witchcraft is building my island on Animal Crossing and being really intentional about how my trees, how I get my fruits and what I craft at my craft station. And I’m lighting my candles, pulling my cards, doing my morning pages. For me right now I think the world is actually asking of us to grant really radical permission to do...it’s not pretty. It’s not a well curated wellness package, it’s not like, I light my candles and make my infusion. I light a candle, then have to watch five episodes of Grey’s Anatomy in a row. Right now it might not look beautiful and how you want it to look. ”
“I just don’t want to make art right now. Part of it is about my relationship to social media, but I’m just not sure how to get inspired in my practice, I’m in a lot of comparison.”
“When you’re in compare and despair, don’t beat yourself up. Be gentle with yourself. And it’s ok to not make art for a while, right? What if you gave yourself permission to not make art for a little bit. What might emerge from that? Maybe you need to - I know for me, I’m not very good at chopping vegetables, I don’t really know the technique. I’ve been thinking lately, I think I’ll finally let my girlfriend show me how. The other day, she was like, chop this onion. And I was like, how? And she said lovingly, there’s a difference between chopping, dicing, slicing. And I was like ah, ok. And then I chopped it and she was really kind but was like, I’ll show you how to chop an onion soon. At 32, it doesn’t feel great to not know the exact technique. I think the onion did well in the meal, but yeah. Do you know what I mean? It’s like, maybe you don’t need to focus on making art, maybe you need to figure out how to chop an onion correctly. And what does chopping correctly even mean? Do whatever you want. ”