“What are some of your favorite ways to someone someone, especially a friend, not a romantic partner, that you love and cherish them?”
— Anonymous caller
“My first answer is send them mail! Especially as we work to support and save the USPS, the US Postal Service for those of you who don’t know. I love receiving mail, I love to send mail, especially in pandemic times we’re really lacking that sort of tangible exchange of touch and objects and holding and togetherness that I think sending something through the mail can be really sweet. It doesn’t even have to be a letter, it can be some object you don’t want anymore, or a drawing or a sticker that you ordered from somewhere or dried flowers or seeds. There’s so many things we can send in the mail! Decorate the package, the outside, draw on that, collage it, get creative. It’s definitely an opportunity to tap into yourself and the friendship. I also like thinking about doing romantic things for platonic friends, like sending them flowers or chocolates, something that smells really good. I think that we sometimes save those obvious romantic grand gestures for our partners and I think we should be doing them for our friends.”
— Marlee Grace
“I’ve learned some new information about the person I’m dating that I didn’t know about that’s been happening behind my back - and I have to face this person tomorrow. How do I do that with so much rage in my heart and also stay soft, also stay tender?”
— Anonymous caller
“ What I want to say is to be honest and again, this is so much emotional labor for you, the caller, to have to do for this man, but creating a safe container to be like, it is safe for you to tell me what is going on, I’m not going to shame you, yell at you, etc. If you really love this person, staying in curiosity and wanting to get to know his experience - is this old behavior? Did something trigger this? Why aren’t you telling me the full truth? Why am I having to hear it from other people? There’s something in the container that might not feel safe for that person. Which isn’t your fault, but could mean this person doesn’t have the tools to speak up and say what they need. Set the tone, like, I want to be clear, and really stick to the facts. We can’t overly dress rehearse what the other person’s reaction to us is going to be to us as we’re attempting to create safety in communication”
— Marlee Grace
“I have been obsessed with work in the pandemic. I don’t always feel like this but right now I’m really obsessed with work and can’t quite seem to figure out how to embrace rest and hobbies and other things. What do I do, how do I take breaks, etc.?”
— Anonymous caller
“There’s different ways to escape that are nourishing to you in whatever way they are. There’s some people for whom binge watching TV doesn’t feel good. For others it feels great. Finding those restful, fun activities - make a Zoom date with a friend, or yeah, make a list of what isn’t work for you. Make a grey area list, drawing quilts might be a grey area list for me. I like to teach people how to make quilts but messing around and drawing quilts isn’t my job, per se. It isn’t something with a deadline that I’m going to get paid for. It’s integrated into my work and into my job but it’s separate in a lot of ways. Maybe there’s a book you could read that’s about your field of work. Some of you listening might be like, stop giving this person advice that has to do with their work still! But I think it’s really tricky to separate those things, so if you’re really addicted and can’t separate yourself, it’s good to slowly move away from it.”