“ Would love to hear your thoughts/advice about the transition to living with a partner. My partner and I have been living together since just before Covid-times, but it’s still an adjustment I think we’re still learning to navigate (especially with the added mix of staying in far more often because of Covid). While there are so many wonderful aspects of it I find people don’t always chat about the parts of it that can be quite challenging. Would love to hear your thoughts about this transition and trying not to lose yourself in it.”
“My partner, Jackie, and I use the rule “just because I’m in the same room as you, doesn’t mean I’m available.” Bringing in good consent practices to communication and being around each other. Building in comfort around just saying what you need, asking for it, and making sure the other person knows it’s not personal. If anything, it’s in service to the partnership to act in your highest good. Try to stay grateful, like, “wow, I get to live with my hot, cool girlfriend, that’s an amazing thing.” So even when it’s hard I try to channel the gratitude around it and maybe write that down with your partner. Remember all the reasons you are grateful to co-habitate and share space, and then look at, what structures do we need in place to continue and maintain that gratitude?”
“Where do I find community?”
“ I think that this is a big question for queer people but also a general question. Specifically for people maybe facing some deeper isolation, quarantine, global pandemic feelings of “how do I find my people, new people to be friends with, to date, to be inspired by?” So I want to shout out that there’s a fun event on the internet tonight called Weirdo Night, hosted by the artist Dynasty Handbag. It usually happens at the Zebulon, a popular Los Angeles performance space. Something to freakin’ do tonight. I was attending a thing that was fun with a friend on Zoom, it’s not happening anymore but it was fun to say “I’ll see you there!” so text your friend. As we all continue to look for community, it’s not easy.”
“I have been sober for a year and during quarantine, relapsed. I’m feeling pretty low and like what’s the point of starting over again? I know I can’t drink but it seems so tempting, especially in isolation. What should I do?”
“Drinking specifically, it’s been over 9 years since I had a drink, but I didn’t have 9 years as a goal as much as I have today as a goal. I’ve heard, “the person who’s been sober the longest is the person who woke up first today.” I love that idea. Read things by sober people, watch things by sober people - it’s the same as any identity that you might align with that you want to become more familiar with. That year is not wasted. I’m guessing that in that year of sobriety, you practiced a lot of different things that kept you sober. So try them again. Starting over suuuucks, I’ve had to start lots of things over, but it’s also beautiful. What a great invitation that you lived through a relapse, that’s what you called it, that you are still here on Earth, how lucky for you and for all of us.”