“I recently got out of a toxic relationship with someone I loved for many years. This person and I tried to part ways several times over the last year of our relationship, only finally ending the cycle when I decided it was best for us to no longer be in contact in any way. That was a couple of months ago, and since then I met someone new who I am really excited about (my first queer relationship, its been so healthy and I’m learning a TON!). Last week, a friend from the city I used to live in contacted me to say that my ex is spreading some pretty serious things about me throughout our community. While I no longer live there, and my ex does, I can’t stop thinking about how many people might think ill of me in the place I called home for years. I am trying to find a way to balance the new love I have in my life and the pain, fear, and powerlessness I feel in response to the things my ex is doing now. Do you have advice on how to grieve/process this while also making space for someone important and new?”
“I was just texting a friend last night - there’s no specific situation in my life, but I could feel that feeling coming up in me like, what do other people think of me and how can I control it? This friend said, I always try to remember “who are you and whose are you?” I don’t belong to people who think ill of me. The “whose are you” is like, I belong to my higher power, to my fellows, to my dear friends who see me, even if I have caused harm or not been my best version of self. I want to belong to myself and to others who see me as a being worthy of acceptance and love. Surround yourself with those people.”
“As an individual who has experienced the particular journey of becoming known on social media as an artist, to now taking an online hiatus, how does online, word-based, biographical copyright play a part in your personal experience as an entrepreneur? What has your journey been with this? Is it doldrum-ish or liberating, both?”
“What I’m realizing is that proving myself to the world really only existed on the Instagram app which we know is designed to steal and sell our attention. Which is such a bummer. It’s really making other people billionaires and it’s only making me poorer in time and focus, attention, and the creative practice. I have noticed that a lot is trapped in the Instagram space when maybe I should have a blog or an archive of my creative projects instead of having it just live there and now it’s disappeared. I’m like, who am I? Which is both an amazing invitation, to be like “who am I?” And it’s sad, to be like wow, I let so much of the copyright of who I am exist in this thing that I don’t own. And so that’s interesting.”
“I, like you, am on a break from instagram. For me, it started around 9/18, the weekend after RBG died, during the wildfires on the west coast which were very close to where i live. It just so happened to be perfectly timed with a short road trip I was taking to a place with poor internet, which was helpful because as I impulsively tapped the app every quiet moment, it took long enough to load that i could close it before i saw anything. (truly addictive behavior, I know.) So, my question is this: now that you’re off social, what parameters will you set for yourself before you return? I haven’t gone back on because I don’t want to get back into the bad habits that i’ve really tried to break while I’ve been away. I feel that I need to set a time limit or a following limit or something to keep space for myself with it. To be clear, I only use Instagram as a way to look at things people are making or doing & I very inconsistently post. It is not a part of my personal business or brand, just a means of escapism via looking at pretty pictures.”
“Do I want to return? Do I want to use it as a tool for my business? Yeah. I really do. I’ve put a lot of energy into it, and a lot of people appreciate me there, which I appreciate in return. And I have tried most of it, I’ve tried to just not look, I’ve tried to put a timer on it, I’ve tried to just truly so many different things. None of them work. So that’s where I’m at, but listen. It’s two weeks into my hiatus, and I committed to four months away. So I’m two weeks in. I committed to four months because I knew I wouldn’t be able to vision returning and using it again until I really took a break. Right now I’m just noticing, noticing how I feel, noticing what it’s like to be without it, I don’t have the plan for the parameters yet.”
“I question myself a lot. But over the last couple of years I’ve been realizing that I think I love women. I’ve never had a relationship with a woman. I’ve never even kissed a woman. But I want it bad. The thing is, I also have a beautiful, amazing boyfriend whom I deeply love. I don’t want to change our relationship and definitely don’t want him to feel uncomfortable or to doubt my love. I do share my exploration with him and I’ve very open about what I feel and think but I’m also very awkward about it and have a lot to figure out. I wonder, having heard you talk about your marriage in interviews, if you have any advice on how to be open and express who I am and how I feel while caring for my relationship. Best, confused & loving.”
“We don’t just come out to other people, we come out to ourselves. Which is so beautiful and really complicated. It really depends on what kinds of things you and your partner want to explore in the container of your relationship. It sounds like there’s a beautiful queer future ahead for you. It doesn’t have to be so complicated, there can be abundance in your relationship container. It sounds like you have a really loving and supportive boyfriend, I want to celebrate him today and celebrate you and just say it’s one day at a time, you can celebrate your queerness in your partnership, both of you can celebrate it, and you’ll see what happens as it continues to grow and bloom and emerge.”
“I am a fellow gemini sun and capricorn moon (though scorpio rising) and I can tend to put CRAZY pressure on myself to have certain things done before I can “enjoy my life” or take a break. I am really wanting to take a holiday for 6 months for the spring and summer from work as a whole. I am a recovering workaholic for context...I have slowly titrated into really cool things in the last year: I’m no longer on social media 24/7 and no longer logging in 12 hours of screen time per day, I have office hours and I have changed up my lifestyle so life costs less so I can work less. I am so proud of myself, but I still feel like I need a total break as a gift to my body after years of adversity. I feel it’s the correct aligned thing I need in my own recovery - I will be 4 years sober on May 21st. But most days I don’t know what to do with the fear about taking a break that I talk myself out of planning for it. Thoughts?”
“How much do you need to have to live comfortably each of those 6 months? Here’s the thing, if you’re a creative, inventive person, I would imagine that more income streams and answers are going to come to you. That amount saved might be half of what you need every month. So for me, deciding to take that break, mine wasn’t about not working, it was about taking breaks from certain parts of my work, which was oversharing on social media. I needed a break from that. My mind has been able to expand in these other ways creatively that I think naturally will generate income down the line. Asking questions like: what are my priorities, what does taking a break look like, how much do I need to take that break? And the faith that when you jump, the net will be there. That’s been a big theme for me the last couple of weeks. Why do I have such a scarcity mentality, well, the government and the world teaches us that that makes sense. The structures that are not set up to catch us but how can we make sure that the universe and spirit and community will catch us. That has proven to be true for me over and over again. ”