ASK A QUESTION FOR NEXT WEEK (ALL QUESTIONS ARE SHARED ANONYMOUSLY)
Resources mentioned
Athletic Brewing Company
Out from Under: Sober Dykes and Our Friends, edited by Jean Swallow
5 minutes
“I’ve been sober for the past year (yay to choosing life!), and part of me misses the ritual aspect of celebratory drinking. What are your favorite rituals for celebrations to fill that void?”
“I always say, play the tape all the way through, I never had one glass of wine. I always had at least two bottles and blacked out. If you’re craving and romanticizing the alcoholic drink and you know it’s not correct for you, remember how it ends and make a cute mocktail!”
26 minutes
“Over the better part of the last year, I’ve been flirting via social media with this person from another state. We went on an in person date once before COVID and it left me thinking this is my person. Like really my person. However, every time we mention seeing each other again they never make firm plans (un-COVID related). Despite the amount we talk, I feel they’re playing a game with me (sexting, flirting, but mixed in with a lot of sincerity) and I’m constantly posting for their eye on social media. How do I release the attention seeking on social and let them go? Or should I?”
“Do you need someone to show up in a really specific way? Or is the flirting and not meeting up ok? And both are allowed to be true. I think it’s up to you to navigate in your intuition. My prescription might be dancing to your favorite pop song, putting on a hot outfit and not posting it, seeing what feels really good to you. Getting in your body, feeling your own power, and then be like, is this serving me or not? Sometimes flirting with somebody who doesn’t want to meet up is fine, and you’re like, whatever! I’m doing my own thing! Other times that’s super depleting - it reminds you of what you don’t have, what you want to have in partnership, in friendship, whatever it is. Really tune in to what are your needs, what are your desires? Does this person fit in to the puzzle piece of romance and life and relationship? And if they don’t, maybe let them go!”
44 minutes
“After a weekend at my parent’s home for the holidays, I feel relief to return to my home, but also real guilt for not appreciating all that they are giving and offering me. How do you take care of yourself when caught in this type of spiral?”
“Even if you have amazing, magical parents who somehow didn’t traumatize you, I think there’s still a level of we are all reparenting ourselves and building homes and relationships that reflect the kind of love and care that we want to see in the world, that’s going to be different than the love and care our parents show to each other and the world. And what I’ve learned is they’re not wrong and I’m not right. That’s where the guilt maybe comes in, or feeling like I don’t appreciate them. I have really really learned to see my family - not just my parents, but also my brother, my aunts and uncles and cousins - really see each of them exactly as they are without expectations of who I wanted them to be, who I think they’re supposed to be. And then I can appreciate them so much more, draw my boundaries, leave when I need to, and appreciate my home that I live in. ”
“I tried to start a new quilt last night and felt a total freeze in my body. Just so overwhelmed by all the possibilities and not in an exhilarated way, in a curl up in a ball way. feel the same way when I think about starting to work my 12 step program.. what do you do when/if you experience a freeze like this?”
“Put a pin in it. Sometimes pausing and not doing the thing is actually ok. Of course there’s part of me that wants to be like, push through! Find your creativity! Make your quilt! It’s gonna be beautiful! And I’m also like, don’t do it. Watch the Heaven’s Gate documentary on HBO, that’s what I did last night. Think about a cult, read a book, play Animal Crossing (that’s my new thing). It’s ok. You might find the urge later. ”