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“What do you do when you get negative critiques on your writing from a teacher/mentor that don’t feel constructive? That are even sometimes sarcastic and seem to be making fun of your word choice or how you use language?”
“Take stock of the room and why someone is sharing something with you, and go from there. And don’t quit writing. I know I’m so sensitive that when I was getting feedback, I had thoughts of like “fine, I’ll never dance again.” And people do that, they get feedback from mentors or teachers that feels itchy or makes them feel small and they never return to the practice. Many blessings, dear caller, as you navigate those feelings. They’re big feelings and I hope you keep writing and finding common ground with your mentors and teachers.”
“A member of my cohort for graduate school (for social work) approaches things in a radically different way than I do and often says things that, to me, come off as harmful, judgemental, and unempathetic. If she is challenged, even if done so gently, she immediately disengages and does not listen to what others have to say. I try to hold space for her and be empathetic to what I might not see about her and hopeful in the ways she could grow, but it is always exhausting and leaves me hurt and resentful. So, any advice on how to take care of myself, any protection spells, or ideas on how to navigate a space with a person like this would be so helpful.”
“I think in many ways the greatest protection spell is what helps you take care of yourself. What calms you down when interacting with a person who quite specifically stresses you out? Maybe you have a favorite herb, tincture, tea, a stress ball, crystals in your pocket, carrying around a Pema Chodron pocketbook in your pocket like I do. Flower essences are so amazing, maybe there’s something that speaks to the energy of this specific dynamic that isn’t working. You’re doing great - you’re listening, attempting to create safe space for this other person that you have to be in community and in space with. Something I notice so often from my own creative communities, any social media echo chamber I might be in, is that we’re not all going to get on the same page all the time. I can only continue to live in my integrity and my truth. As you’re navigating, I really think it’s about just taking a beat, maybe you need to go to the bathroom, take a few deep breaths. I’m a real believer that you are in charge of your own serenity, and I don’t mean that in a spiritual bypassing way. When you’re engaging with the reality of the word and your inner and outer landscape, you’re in charge of turning off the news, taking a moment, taking a step away from this person who is causing you stress.”
“I have noticed that I go full check-out mode during my luteal phase (the hormonal phase 10-14 days before ones period). In the past just ‘noticing’ has been enough to pull me out of the depths of my bullshit, but this is my fourth time noticing and my propensity of avoiding sitting with myself has only gotten stronger than ever! Do you have any rituals I could do or spells I could cast that would bring me out of this habit that is no longer serving me? ”
“I really encourage you to look for outside help, whether it’s an acupuncturist or a bodyworker or someone who is really well versed in hormones and how they change in the cycle. I know I needed extra help. Get clear on what your body needs during that time. In terms of your mind and how you talk to yourself, usually in my week four my thoughts about myself become really twisted, really different than what I know to be true. I get really critical about my body, my art, my writing, I question everything, and so - I don’t know if there’s a spell to cast as much as a gentleness that you can have with yourself. I try to joke about it, I have a few friends who are my week four buddies, I text them and am like, time for me to go to my island for the next week so I don’t fight with the people around me. Be gentle with yourself. Planning can be a privilege but planning to rest, or therapy, or a trusted friend, or writing a letter, having your places that you process and share. This is the beautiful part of the cycle is it always shifts, that cycle always ends.”
“My 8+ year relationship has been rocky from the jump, we are both late 20’s so have essentially grown up together & are very intertwined. There have been many times we’ve nearly broken it off and I can certainly see how I’ve contributed to unhealthy cycles. About 4 years ago I really invested in my growth: trauma therapy, backed away from substance binging, engaged in my career and hobbies and friendships, came out as bi+. As much as I continue to grow, thrive, and communicate, I feel like I’m just growing... away from him. He is often shut down, avoidant, lashes out at me, is rarely an active participant in our lives. Pressures of COVID, loss in our families, and holidays lately haven’t helped. Honestly I’m thinking about ending things... but I struggle because of that attachment, my love for him and hope he can grow and face his own recovery, my role as his main supporter. How do I know calling it quits now isn’t too early? Also concerned that my queerness will be thrown in my face and erase my concerns with the actual relationship (ie “you just want to date women”). I feel stuck.”
“We cannot guide another person into wellness, recovery, mental health that is thriving or shifts for them, we don’t have that power. We don’t. Which is hard to wrap your mind around. We don’t have the power to fix someone and our love and patience can’t fix someone. You writing this out to me, I can feel how clear you are with what you need to be your brightest, queerest, most powerful, trauma recovered self. And this person, who is currently you’re in a relationship with, from what you say, doesn’t seem to be along for that ride. That person will exist without you, and that’s ok. And not only will they exist, they might thrive. They might find a relationship that’s more correct for them.”
“How do I be true to myself in setting a boundary with someone who I will be in the same vicinity with again soon, when she expects friendship, and where my reality is that her presence makes me feel unsafe and anxious? I have had friends who have told me “you don’t owe her anything” which is a relief to hear, but I don’t know if I could realistically practice that, or if I even agree with such a brutal sentiment. How do I move forward?”
“I think an action is required to communicate with this person - I’m no longer interested in you reaching out to me. That boundary needs to be set. Just because it’s scary doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. Don’t wait to feel ready. You might never. It doesn’t get less scary, it stays scary and you do it anyways and then you are free, afterwards, to live in integrity with yourself. ”