“I began recovery during Covid. As things begin to pre-Covid pace, I’m finding myself in more and more situations with stress management at work. Previously my stress management was about 10 drinks after a shift. I’m having a hard time cultivating tools as I isolate in quarantine. I’m trying to be creative, but the emotional drain is sometimes too much. Have you experienced this? If so, what kind of tools have you generated in this new reality that have worked for you?”
“Something I heard early on when I got sober was “you don’t have to take a drink today if you don’t want to and you don’t have to take a drink today if you do want to.” You don’t have to follow that impulse all the way through. Find some sober friends, find some sober literature, and just remember you only have to do it one day at a time. Make a pro and con list - here are the things that go badly after I have 10 drinks after work and here’s why being sober is worth it.”
“Want to quit my full-time office job and take time off to focus on creative life. Feeling afraid of Covid and recession-world even though I’ve been saving money and have wanted to do this for a very long time.”
“I don’t know your enneagram, I don’t know your astrology, I don’t know your birth chart. But I’m like yes, quit it. Quit the full time job. The end. Believe that you will be held by taking the jump. And it’s scary out there, we do have to be somewhat pragmatic and plan these moves and these shifts. But from my own experience, I have jumped many a time before I was ready and was held by the universe. I think sometimes we have to end something before we know exactly how to do what’s next. That’s scary, and capitalism doesn’t teach us that’s a possibility, right? Magic teaches us that’s a possibility. ”
“I’m trying to create some daily habits for myself, like through Morning Pages, tarot cards, but am running up against that feeling of how do we integrate self forgiveness into these practices when we don’t want to do them? Or we’re doing them too much or too little? ”
“There’s this great sentence in 12 step literature for addicts, speaking for myself, that says “resistance dogs our every move.” For me I identify as an alcoholic and that pattern of resistance is so thick in me because it also makes me think I’m in control. If I choose not to do something, I’m in a head space of “see, I’m in control of my choices and I choose not to do this thing.” And that can actually not feel so good. So just keep bringing in a noticing practice. Does writing feel good, or does walking feel good? Maybe some mornings you write and some mornings you walk, maybe some mornings you let yourself sleep in and eat trashy cereal for breakfast and watch a trashy TV show. I think so much of my own discomfort and anxiety comes from not fully committing to what I’m doing, whether that’s avoidance or devotion.”
“Did you always recognize the therapeutic impact dance had on you or was it a realization?”
“In the year that I started [@personalpractice], I went through a divorce, moved across the country, and went through all these really big life events. Between my sobriety and my friendships, I really think it’s what kept me alive in that time of really deep grief and confusion and transition. I think it was a realization for me. It goes in waves, there are times that it feels like I dance because I want to make shapes with my body and that’s how I communicate. And just because you see me dancing doesn’t mean I’m embodied or feeling embodied. That can be a really different part of my dance practice that maybe I don’t film or I have my eyes closed. It’s both/and. It’s therapeutic to me and it’s a medium of shape-making. ”
“How do you know that you’re ready to take the next step with your partner, like living together?”
“My current partner, we were just laughing about this the other day because sometimes when you’re in it, it doesn’t feel that fast. But looking back, we’d been dating for approximately two months before we moved in together. Here’s the thing though, when you move in with someone fast, sometimes it means you have to work backwards because codependency or certain levels of attachment make their little homes in the habits really early. Some people I know - who are also lesbian women - waited 8 years to move in together, and that was correct for them. I share those two totally different timelines because I don’t think there’s a formula. I think you just have to decide. It’s a risk. There’s a lot to be said about maintaining your own intuition practices and knowing the signs of what feels good to you and it’s really going to be about communication. Can you communicate well in a home together? Which means stating your boundaries, saying your needs, like ‘I need space,’ ‘I need togetherness.’ Being totally in love with my girlfriend doesn’t mean I’m the best every day at how I manage the way I communicate with her. Just because we love each other doesn’t mean we’re perfect at living together. That takes a different skill. Loving someone takes a different skill than living with someone. ”
“I’m 27 and just moved to a new city. How the heck do you make friends as an adult?”
“Make some friends online, maybe they only live a few towns away! See what your local library or community center’s got going on! If you can make one or two friends. Suggest to them if they’d like to have a craft night or a book club and maybe those people can invite another person. And another big part of making friends is remember you’re cool. You’re a cool person. I don’t know you, but I bet you’re cool. You have to believe in yourself, believe you’re worthy of making new friends.”