“We were together 2.5 years, she was my first female relationship and it was HIGH highs and low lows. We did not scream, or treat each other poorly on purpose. Our underlying attachment styles just went berserk on each other, like oil and water. It’s just so tragic. There is a part of me that does not want to let go at all. I write her emails but don’t send them. We have a no-contact agreement for now except for a few instances. It makes me want to run away. It is done, for now, we had a lovely but tearful break-up session with our therapist but ...when will it end! HA! I know you don’t know. I guess I just need a sign from the radio waves that this will get better. That I am doing enough. That is ok to work less now, to be a bit quieter. It is ok to cry every day right? My question is: what is your one amazing thing you did for yourself during break ups?”
— Anonymous caller
“Sometimes being in acceptance for me actually blocks me from that grief. Gosh, I feel like my advice for so many questions is take many baths. But baths, and walks, and just going towards the feelings not away from them is really important. And indulging, not being overly judgmental. Collecting that evidence, like maybe it feels good to eat a pint of ice cream and do what you want and watch Grey’s Anatomy and be like, hell with it, I’m going to do what I want to do. And then maybe you’ll reach a point where that starts to not feel good. And instead of hating yourself for that, just pivot, be like “okay, cool, this coping mechanism, this self-soothing tool isn’t working, so maybe I’ll shift towards another.”
— Marlee Grace
“I left art school after three years of unhealthy boundaries and expectations. It felt like we were all pushed to make art solely for the purpose of going to New York or Chicago or making it big time. I used to be content with my simple rural life in Tennessee but now I feel their unhealthy thoughts and advice creeping in. I feel pressure to become well known, or else I’m a “failure” to the art world. Can you talk about others expectations , particularly in the art world, and how to stay true to yourself?”
— Anonymous caller
“To me it’s so much better to live the quality of life that I want to live rather than living towards someone else’s expectations. As an artist and a writer and a dancer, I don’t necessarily feel so tapped into “the art world.” What the hell does that even mean? I’m sure in academia there’s more of a direct or obvious answer to what the art world is, but for me as a dancer I’ve carved out all of these outsider spaces for myself both digitally and in real life and it’s’ been so much more enjoyable. I don’t want to live in Brooklyn and be in a tiny dance company and work three to four jobs.”
— Marlee Grace
“I’ve been sober for two years, it’s been going well but I feel triggered during Covid. I feel like even though I’m going to Zoom meetings and feeling supported by my sober community, I just keep thinking about drinking, whether it’s in my dreams or in the daytime. How do you cope with feeling triggered or obsessive thoughts about drinking?”
— Anonymous caller
“We’re living in what I think is the most uncomfortable time of our lives. And unexpected. That’s the thing, when you start to train yourself in sobriety - when I was going through divorce, the death of people I love, big life transitions, extreme joy, I got married in sobriety too - events you might think to drink at, I was ready. I was like, I’ve got the tools. I know what to do. In my time in sobriety, I’ve never had to go through time of deep and relentless isolation before. For most people who struggle with or cope with addiction, the antidote is to not be in isolation, it’s to connect with people in real life. For me right now, I really have to talk to other sober people often, every day pretty much. How are you even coping? I have to plug in to someone in recovery every day.”