“How do you negotiate communication with friends who have different text habits?”
“If you’re needing a friend to show up more to text communication, I think you can ask for that. See if they’re available. If they’re not, detach with love. See if there’s another friend who’s available. And then circle back and check in with that other friend in like a month and maybe they’ll be like, I really need you right now. And you can decide what boundaries feel good. It doesn’t have to be tit for tat. Maybe you have capacity and can show up for them. Just being really clear with what your expectations and hopes are for communication - text, calls, FaceTime, whatever it is. ”
“How to stop living like you’re just trying to get through something and start living?”
“ This year, I think so many of us who thrive in social spaces, queer community, celebratory spaces - whether church or concerts or whatever your church is, dance class, dance parties, picnics, potlucks - I feel the emotional well come up just as I’m thinking about these gatherings that are really I think what feeds most of our aliveness that we don’t have anymore. As we’re trying to figure out how to not just get by but really be present for, I’m going to butcher the Mary Oliver moment but, this “one precious wild life.” I’m sorry, Mary, she’s rolling over in her gay little grave at me right now, but we have all these beautiful examples in poetry and literature of how we pay attention and what we’re invited to pay attention to. How can you take a daily inventory, to look around? I love a good list-making practice, pen to paper, to really look at ok, today I’m grateful for my partner, grateful for my dog, grateful I woke up hopeful. ”
“Any advice on communication and loving your significant other and yourself in a long distance relationship?”
“I see how it chips away at some of our more exciting forms of intimacy, whether physical or just togetherness time, when I’m in constant contact with my partner. Part of the invitation is to pause a little bit, to while you’re living your own life, really live your own life. Take it to the journal, make a voice recording on your phone to remember later, the notes app is one of my favorite tools in the whole world. You can always open that and make a note to yourself, draft a text you send to your partner later in the day to keep you present. In so many ways the key to partnership, whether long distance or not, is really the individuals living in their highest good, in an effort to be of service to the world and then to the partnership. I think keep leaning in to the things you love to do and yeah, if conflict comes up, schedule time to talk about it. Use the tools that I’m sure you are cultivating.”
“How do you transition a relationship with an ex-lover to a platonic friendship?”
“It can be romantic! Wear your best dress, bring this person flowers - you can be romantic and not be physical within a friendship. You can be really boundless and limitless in the way you express love and admiration for someone. It’s up to you in terms of like, how well can you hold the boundary for yourself? Only you know what feels too romantic or too close. Keep an eye on your motives, notice why you might say something or do something, are you looking for a reaction or a response? And just think of the things you do with your other platonic friends. Respecting boundaries, make sure you say what your boundaries are to them. You can collaborate on this together, it doesn’t have to be y’all figuring it out in separate rooms. You can be like, what would a dream friendship for us look like where we move past the old version? ”
“I know it’s not healthy to be creating art with the hopes that it will make men respect me, and I should probably just release my expectations for this group of people, but how? I’d love any tips or releasing my need for male approval and need to measure my success by comparing myself to past boyfriends.”
“I really think it’s a choice. It’s a choice to separate yourself from the male gaze and the male approval, to be around more women, more femmes and non-binary people and people who have an abundant gender expression, be around more people who maybe weren’t socialized in that way so that you can sort of attune to a new way of looking at yourself. Because being witnessed and how people reflect yourself back to you is a part of the creative process. I don’t think it’s off to want approval or want to be seen by people in your creative community. I also want to celebrate how attuned you already are to this own feeling in yourself. I think so many people walk through the world not even knowing they’re grasping for that approval from people they maybe don’t even care about very much or want to seek connection with. I think it’s amazing you already are really filled with awareness that you’re doing that.”