“What are some good talking points for planning a first date?”
— Anonymous caller
“Part of me wants to say, dear caller, you already know. Ask that person what they’re into. What kinds of outdoor places do you like to be in? Do you like to hike, do you like to swim, do you like to go for drives? What kind of music do you like to listen to? Some of the classic questions feel cheesy, but like, what kind of movies do you like? Continuing to be yourself! Pausing, don’t be rushed with your speech, I think that can happen because we’re excited, nervous, our adrenaline is going. Just breathing, pausing, making sure you’re asking questions but also sharing about your own experience. That initial conversation might spark a lot of ideas. You don’t have to be the full planner, it can be collaborative. ”
— Marlee Grace
“What are good ways to meet people in Covid, and not on Tinder? Like, how do we get some real relationships going on? ”
— Anonymous caller
“Check in with your friends - I know DJs are having dance parties on Zoom, maybe you’ll see somebody on there you recognize and haven’t seen in awhile and you can be like “hey, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or go for a walk?” I’ve also literally asked my friends before, when I’ve been single, like “do you have any friends who are also single?” A lot of times they’re like “yes, I do!” Play some one-on-one basketball with them! Throw a little manifestation, intuition, tapping into your heart space to call into what it is you’re looking for. If you have a dream person and qualities in a partner you’re looking for, start saying that outloud, share it with a friend, write in your journal, light a candle. Magic is real and I really think when you open yourself up to be ready for it - that’s why I also share the strategic things you should do to meet people - but I also think there’s something to be said about opening yourself up and being ready for it to happen.”
— Marlee Grace
“My partner just came out to his family as being trans and his family disowned him. Could you talk a little bit about the importance of found family, chosen family, queer family?”
— Anonymous caller
“Give yourself an opportunity to grieve - that’s really traumatic, that’s really painful. And know there’s a family of freaks waiting to hold you and love you and fill that void that your blood family can no longer give you for whatever reason - their own prejudice, internalized transphobia, homophobia, whatever it is that’s blocking them from fully seeing you. There’s so, so many people ready to see you and to love you and to just be with you. It’s both/and. It might be helpful to read about trans ancestors and see who came before that, who carved the way, to know that you’re not alone. You’re not the first person who’s come out and been disowned by their family. And I don’t mean that to make it smaller, but to make it big - to know you’re tapped in to so many other people who’ve had that experience and also stayed on earth and made a commitment to stay alive and found people who loved them.”
— Marlee Grace
“When is it a good time to pack up and leave?”
— Anonymous caller
“I try to focus on going towards, not running away from. So maybe if you’re feeling like - I gotta get outta here! -sometimes that’ll lead you to rushing into something that’s not as good. Thinking like, sure, pack up and leave, but what are you going towards? That could be a metaphorical concept also, it doesn’t have to be a job or love or something. You could be like, I want to go towards trees, I want to go towards more space for myself, I want to go towards an art studio, switching up my certifications in my job, what I know how to do. I think the more we can move with less urgency and not run away from things, the better. Sometimes you just have to leave and that’s ok too. Granting yourself full permission.”