Resources mentioned
Octavia Butler
Pema Chodron - When Things Fall Apart
adrienne maree brown - Emergent Strategy and Pleasure Activism
“Recently I have started trying to using astrology and other similar resources (like the human design chart you mentioned in a past show) to learn more about myself and get a better understanding of my internal struggles with the hope that that understanding would help lead to positive change. However, I find it is having the opposite effect I was hoping for. Instead of leading me to learn more about myself and feeling pride/confidence in my self, I feel defeated, disappointed and trapped. I feel that I have received confirmation that the negative aspects of my self are something built into my system and something that is so engrained in my spirit that it is not possible to change. For example, by reading and strongly relating to content about being deflective to relationships and having an avoidant attachment style, I feel more lonely and incapable of finding strong relationships more than ever instead of growing from this knowledge in a positive way. So my question is, how do you use self guiding tools to promote positive internal change and not make you feel trapped by these definitions of your self?”
“Take a break! It’s ok, don’t look at astrology or human design. Look to other teachers or paths that are giving you a bigger vision of who you might be. It is my belief that everything inside of you is changeable, the world is constantly changing, we’re always in this great vast unknown, and so there’s - I feel called to say the sentence, “there’s nothing to be scared of.” And that’s from someone who fully melted down earlier today and said “I’m afraid of everything. I’m afraid of losing everything, that everything goes away” and my partner so lovingly said, “everything does go away.” I think there’s a chilling piece that comes with that, to know that everything’s going to keep changing, we’re going to keep losing things, we’re going to keep starting over. Keep finding the tools that nourish you. If astrology isn’t nourishing you right now, it’s ok. Walk away. Find something that is - there’s so many things that are. ”
“I’m sad today. In February, my lover and best friend and partner felt so deeply in their soul that it was time to move away from Michigan. They did, and moved to Northeastern, New York to work at a farm. We stayed in touch every day, had arguments, told jokes and shared photos, had conversations of longing, and expressed frequently that we missed one another. This past week they returned to Michigan for 7 days, and we fell back into our romance and intimacy - hard. This morning they departed once again with the possibility of them visiting again in December. In my gut right now I feel awareness around not being able to do ‘this’ - another whirlwind week of romance and love - when they’re back for another visit months from now again, not in a way that is emotionally sustainable for me because today my heart is so sore and longing for us to be in the same place again. They do not want to move back to ‘the mitten’ and I’m unable to go with them. We love one another and both express wanting to be ‘partnered’ again, while accepting that they do not want to be in Michigan. How can I work with my heart right now? How can I allow intimacy without serving myself a heap of emotional turmoil?”
“I think there’s something to be said about deep breathing, putting your hand on your heart, deep journaling, really getting in there to see what is the fear? What is the pain? What is the fear of doing partnership in this way, in this really new, different way? And what does your heart really need? Maybe your heart doesn’t have that capacity - and I don’t say that to imply that that kind of capacity is correct - even when I talk about non-monogamy or openness or queerness or all the things that come up on the show, I’m really a believer that there’s not a “right” and “wrong” way. There’s not a cooler way. It’s not cooler to be in this new vision of partnership. But I think really taking some silent time. I think what I’m just continuing to be invited to share with you is this invitation to get to know yourself and your heart space. ”
“As a child I had always wanted to start my own radio show—there are some fantastic cassette tapes of me interviewing myself for “the radio”, as proof. I feel that what you are creating really reminds me of the importance of community care! How does one start an advice and music based show, especially if they are shy and introverted? I think more things like Friendship Village need to be created—get us off that Instagram and tap into tackling our day to day struggles in community (and the healing magic of music).”
“As much as I encourage you to check in wherever you live to see if there are opportunities to serve your direct community, I would also say there’s a lot of ways to invent your own thing. I think that’s a beautiful part of the digital age but it’s also beautiful to ask yourself “what have my neighbors already made, and can I be among them in that way?” I hope you invent whatever you invent or find something really sweet to be a part of! ”
“I’ll be living in a household where queerness is not discussed—the kiddos I’ll be taking care of didn’t even know the word gay until I mentioned it today :) I’ve only been fully aware of my queerness for a couple of years now, and am still very much in the process of knowing myself and finding communities that I feel a sense of belonging in. Here in Seattle, I’ve taken it for granted that I know many queer people, have close queer friends, and see queerness all around me. I love my queerness, and I’m so proud to have accepted and integrated it into my identity—but I’m worried that once I’m in a more heteronormative place where I may be the only visibly queer person, I’ll feel self-conscious and less courageous in my queerness. With the pandemic, I may be less able to connect with queer organizations and individuals in nearby towns, though I’m sure there will still be opportunities.
Do you have any advice for how to be courageous and curious despite being the odd queer out in a new place during a global pandemic? How have you navigated spaces where you didn’t often see yourself reflected? How can I summon the self-love and strength I’m going to need in order to take on this new adventure without shying away from or hiding parts of myself that are so integral to who I am, and what I believe in?”
“As much as I struggle with social media and how we use it and how it melts our brains, I also know that for me living in a rural place that is either predominantly white or predominantly straight, being connected to digital communities that reflect the greater world I want to see and surround myself with is really helpful and important to my practice as a human and artist and organizer. If there’s safety in being out and queer in certain spaces in this new town that you’re moving to, I think wear your rainbow shirt or make a bumper sticker. You can insert your queerness in fun ways.”