“I’m wondering if you have any advice on opening up a relationship to explore sexuality. I’m in a long-term relationship with a cisgender/hetero man that I love dearly but have been coming to terms with my queerness and wanting to explore this part of me that I felt shame about my whole life and am just starting to feel proud about. I’ve brought up non-monogamy before and it was a good convo, but it’s hard to ask for what you need specifically and believe it’s worth it to pursue it when the idea of a monogamous/cis relationship has been presented as the ideal your entire life. Do you have any advice on how to confront this with a partner?”
“When you start talking to your partner about openness, just try not to be too urgent. Ask questions about what are their needs and boundaries and hopes, what’s scary for them, and what’s scary for you. I think in different relationships, different containers for partnerships, you kind of just have to start somewhere, start trying it. There’s only so much you can do talking about it. It’s also so much about the practice of “how does this feel?” and we’re not going to know completely how it feels until we’re starting to navigate it. ”
“My partner’s father died of Covid-19 after a long two and a month fight against the disease. I’m looking for wisdom and advice, book and movie recs to support her through her grief and trauma of his hospitalization. I’m also looking for advice for taking care of myself and our relationship while she is managing such big feelings and life changes”
“Taking it day by day, one day a time, what do we need today? How can we support each other today? Supporting her grief but also looking inwards - what do I need to be a pillar of strength for my partner, what do I need to look for outside of our partnership? Also, doing sweet things - run her a bath, wash her hair. Acts of service can be really powerful for someone who’s grieving.”
“As a lesbian who is not yet out to my parents, I’m experiencing such a disconnect between who I know I am and who my parents - my dad’s a pastor and my mom’s heavily involved in Christian ministry - believe me to be/believe about the LGBTQ+ community. I’m quarantined with them - I had to come home from college - and determined it’s not safe for me to come out to them. I can’t be around them while they process who they am. I also love them deeply and the three of us have lots of fun together. The dissonance feels so loud and heavy some days because I’m more in love with my queerness than I ever have been. I just feel like I’m holding too many realities at once. I know this isn’t forever but it sure feels like it. Any advice would be welcome!”
“In the loneliness of being in your parents’ house and knowing you’re a lesbian and can’t talk to them, especially on a week like this when we’re looking back and finding so much gratitude for the women, the men, the non-binary people, the trans people who came before us to carve out the abundance that we have available to us now, really reflect on that. You’re by yourself, but you’re not alone. If you can find books to read online and connect to them, keep learning about your own history as queer person. When I was first coming out, getting my hands on the poetry of Audre Lorde and finding the lesbian resource book - Our Right to Love - was so important. Read some Sappho, get weird, get gay in your room or house! Maybe you have to hide some of those artifacts, but still. Just want to affirm that you’re so strong already and in a good place, it sounds like, with yourself. ”
“I’m an artist interested in doing one-on-one creative consulting, and I’m wondering how you get the confidence to say that one-on-one consulting is a part of your job? And how do you make that work under capitalism?”
“There are a lot of ways to work in sessions with other people into your business or form of expertise. For me, it came out of getting to a place in my career where I wasn’t working for anyone else and felt really confident in a lot of the skills I’d gained from working on my own and also with other mentors - how do I give this back to people? For me, I started off with lower pricing because I wanted to try it out. I started by practicing with friends, giving them creative advising on how to build a website, how to talk about yourself on social media. It had just become a natural part of what I was doing. Another thing about pricing your work and attempting to run a business in as anti-capitalist a way as possible is thinking about having sliding scale, or scholarships if you’re doing an online course. You can price your work high and then have a few spots every month where you give someone 50% off. There are many different ways to provide levels of payment to what you’re doing.”
“I’m partnered in a relationship with a cis, straight man, as all of my relationships have been. Deep down, I know I’m not 100% straight, I’m finding myself longing for my close relationships with other women. I’m longing to explore my sexuality with someone who isn’t my partner.”
“It really depends on who your partner is and what y’all are able to navigate and explore and be creative together. I get it, I’ve been there, I know what a lot of those feelings are like. Try to bring some joy into them - what a beautiful thing that you’re learning you’re queer! Especially in the month of June, and thinking about what it means to have queerness in your current partnership and maybe outside of it. Maybe you guys need to talk about your physical intimacy and what could be more exciting. What does your partner need more of? There’s a lot that you could do in your straight-presenting partnership that could feel really queer. And again, there are people - myself included - that at the end of the day, your sexuality is shifting and being with a man isn’t correct for you anymore. That’s ok! It’s all okay. You’re going to keep figuring it out. ”
“I’m realizing I’m great at self care. My rational brain is checking off the boxes - I go to bed early, I drink water - but I’m desperately lost at understanding what it means to self love? I comprehend that self care is an expression of self love, but for some reason my personal concept of self love is not very prominent. From someone with a disconnect, what does it mean to self love?”
“I often write about - you can run yourself a bath and hate yourself at the same time. You can do a face mask and want to die. You can go for a walk and the walk can end and you still feel really bad about yourself. For me, something I really try to look at, I try to reframe it as self-esteem boosters. The things in your life you’re avoiding right now - doing dishes, calling someone back - create weight. What’s the weight on me that is pulling me down, that’s making me not really like myself, or not feel good about myself? Stay curious to what are your triggers that are bringing you out of loving yourself. And keep practicing bringing in more love.”